Errol Joneson, son of eminent New York preacher Jones Joneson, was today arrested after complaints were made about him 'reaching' for women in subways. CCTV footage of one specific incident has enabled one woman to step forward and claim the arrest.
"We received this morning a complaint from a tube go-er about a particular incident on May 1st in which a young man, wearing denim shorts and a black bomber jacket, was suggestively groping women in the carriage. We urge members of the public to come forward if they have ever seen such incidents, and to call us on our hotline, or record a message into any of the Catholic church confessionals we have rigged up with...er... completely non-spying equipment."
The woman who has made the charge has chosen to remain anonymous, though Tumblr detectives have identified her as Shanyl Creme, a beauty stylist originally from New Jersey. In a brief and baffling phone interview, she suggested that we needed our highlights done.
The accused, Errol Jonesson has been visited today by members of his family, who are keen to point out that no specific charge has yet been brought that seems appropriate to the allegation. Preacher Joneson, the accused's father, read a brief statement:
"My son was arrested this morning for what we feel is a bizarre and politically charged motive. That my son is innocent of all charges I, certainly, have no doubt. With all due respect to the lady who has brought the charge, we need further clarity as to what the true issue here is. Was this 'son of a preacher man' the only boy who ever reached for her? We simply don't know, and we don't understand."
In other news, New York is so good that they named it twice: New York, by the British, and New Orange, by the Dutch.
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