World Sport

Euro 2016 to become boxing competition; Russian hooligans to become expert ball jugglers

story image about boxing competition and Euro 2016 Where have all the bullies gone?
Report story

The Euro 2016 football tournament has so far been dominated, particularly in the British media, by ugly scenes of British and Russian fans engaged in street and terrace fighting. In response, UEFA, who are in charge of running the shambles, have decided to convert the tournament into a boxing competition instead of soccer. Tim Hookins reported from UEFA headquarters:

"It's quite the shambles here in Shambleton, Austria, UEFA's headquarters. Michel Platini, the current President of UEFA, has issued a statement saying that since football is already the minority sport in France at the tournament, that it might as well be embraced as the former main event. Fighting is now the main focus of the teams already gathered for the ongoing French tournament. The England team's odds have been slashed quicker than the tires of an ex-lover's car."

It is, however, the turnaround from the Russian gang fan-sites that have caught the eye. Organised hooligans are said to be annoyed at Platini's announcement, because it drastically takes away from the fun of the fight. One user, EyeCutYou, said:

"He's only gone and spoiled the whole tournament. I wanted to look proper hard going up against tourists and other innocent people who can't fight, and now it looks like everyone's going to be in on the action. What can we do to carry on being different, chaps?"

The answer came by consensus, from a online poll undertaken on the Russian football hooligan website FightForKidneys.com, which recommended that the most dangerous element of Russia's fighting gangs should take up football.

"It's a clever idea, and quite the switcheroo," said Tim Hookins, "UEFA will, however, no doubt crack down hard on this too. I expect arrests within days for street dribbling and excess soccer skills. To see masked Russian fans juggling balls and doing impressive numbers of keepie-uppies will be quite the spectacle."

Get Weekly Funny Stuff in your Inbox

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter



Headlines like this

thumbnail for item England national shirt red

England football team still crap

UK News Sport 0

Shock-horror specialist Tom Englandfan today declared that the English national football team is still crap, following their 1-0 victory over Norway. The news will come as a blow...

read more
5 years ago
thumbnail for item Ninja please

Ninja 4 President

US News Politics 21

A ninja has today announced his candidacy for the next American Presidency, in 2016. Although currently unaffiliated to any of the major parties, Dan Silverman (46) is said to...

read more
5 years ago

Comments

#1 @ 3 years ago
by No MAtter What - Writer

Snore. Off topc. :)

2 comments, registered 3 years ago
#2 @ 3 years ago
by Rail Cobweb7 - One-off wonder

Liked it. I liked this.

1 comment, registered 5 years ago
#3 @ 3 years ago
by step-question - Ghost

Rail Cobweb7 wrote

Liked it. I liked this.

That's what she said. I want this printed on a mouse mat.

4 comments, registered 4 years ago
#4 @ 3 years ago
by frances hodgson burnett0 - One-off wonder

Rail Cobweb7 wrote

Liked it. I liked this.

Weird. :)

1 comment, registered 3 years ago
#5 @ 3 years ago
by digestion orange - Ghost

Rail Cobweb7 wrote

Liked it. I liked this.

Oh for the love of jimbo. Comment's are like ashole's... no, that's not true...

2 comments, registered 4 years ago
#6 @ 3 years ago
by drop-sea urchin - Ghost

digestion orange wrote

Rail Cobweb7 wrote

Liked it. I liked this.

Oh for the love of jimbo. Comment's are like ashole's... no, that's not true...

this is absolutely lush. if this doesn't become a meme then the world has gon truly mad.

5 comments, registered 4 years ago

To add a comment you must first sign up and login.

Funny stuff

Get our funny weekly newsletters straight to your inbox
Subscribe to funny newsletter
... AND CLICK
or Find out more first

Consider checking us out and following us on social media:


Capricorn horoscope

Your friends will call you Jumbo. Nobody can stop you as you make that important break through this week. You should......

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

Tourism booming in Venezuela: A Laughsend Special Report   Punny History  
Write a funny story here
Free sign up / Login
Funny newsletter Funny RSS feed