In a fit of patriarchy, men have decided to cancel Mother's Day due to what has been described as "a shoulder-shrugging lack of knowing what to buy". The move has astounded women across the globe, as the male heads of various corporations. including greetings card manufacturers and the heads of major gift companies such as Interflora, have collaboratively shut-up-shop against this Sunday's (UK) Mother's Day celebration.
"It's disgusting," said Amy Poller of Social Justice for Woman Network Against Beasts with Dangly Bits (SJWNABDB).
The move, thought to have been enacted only in the past twenty four hours, has not surprised Poller, but has enraged her:
"It was always going to happen sooner or later. These mother-denyers, and that isn't an overdub of a swear word, have - at the last minute mind you, how true to form - now cancelled the only celebration of womanhood that exists in the formal calendar. It doesn't shock me that it's happened, but it shocks me that anybody thinks that this is acceptable behaviour. Even for men."
How mother's day is calculated in the UK has long puzzled the average layperson, with the traditional answer allegedly being that it is the fourth Sunday in Lent. However, some have suggested that this year's apparent cancellation of Mother's Day is in fact a problem with having a moving target. Man on the street, James Arbo, told us:
"It's not that I don't want to celebrate it - it's that it keeps on bloomin' movin'! Last year it was 15th March, this year it's the 6th! And don't get me started on Easter! The problem is that idiots like me don't know what the hell a 'lent' is, but I think it's something to do with soup."
As it stands many mothers are set for disappointment this Sunday as the usual rituals of breakfast in bed and petrol station flowers are lost in the minds of male patriarchy. They will, after all, insist that they are right.
sometimes i write things on the internet.
This is totally exquisite. Love it.
there's something in here that intrigue's me... and i think it's how on earth anyone can read it without dying from boredom.
Are you fucking kidding me? Now listen here you little dickwads... come on, this is shite. Do not fall for it; stop feeding the troll.
I've really loved the articles on this website, but its all becoming the same now. OK. :)
Have a feeling this sort of item might just take over my entire life. I did not not UN-hate this.
I did not read this because it neither offended nor excited me. I also make obvious comments in real life. And your point is?
There is many superb things to make me cry, but this is totally laugh-out-loud. Well, I laughed.
None of that makes sense. This whole idea is stolen from somewhere else.