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05:30 |
Breakfast news
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News / political programme |
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05:30AM to 09:00AM.
We eat pieces of news for breakfast.
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09:00 |
It's grim up north
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Home improvement show |
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09:00AM to 09:45AM.
Home improvement show focusing on all the worst parts of the north so that those living in the south can assume that slums are "normal" once you go beyond the M25.
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09:45 |
Surf's down, dude
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Soap |
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09:45AM to 10:15AM.
Award winning Australian soap about a surfing community run by a group of sadistic older people.
Episode details:
Season 6, Ep. 1: No-one is sure Leona Nguyen is even serious, and knows Chloe's little secret. This week: fonzie jumps the shark.
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10:15 |
I couldn't eat my dinner, but I would like some pudding
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Kids show |
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10:15AM to 10:30AM.
Kids clips show.
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10:30 |
Exciting Fun with Poo Bear
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Kids show |
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10:30AM to 11:00AM.
Poo bear likes to his hands dirty.
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11:00 |
I ate it all in one sitting
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Food / drink show |
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11:00AM to 11:30AM.
Enormous foods and gastric surgery in one lip smacking, belly slapping, show.
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11:30 |
You know it's fresh when it cries on you
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Food / drink show |
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11:30AM to 12:00PM.
Butchery for beginners.
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12:00 |
Lunchtime news
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News / political programme |
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12:00PM to 12:30PM.
Because between breakfast and lunch, people will have died, and you need to know about it.
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12:30 |
Killer bee robots from Eastern Europe
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Science Fiction Series |
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12:30PM to 13:30PM.
Killer bees out to kill other bees in this novel US science fiction series.
Episode details:
Season 9, Ep. 3: indian meals provide at least nine hundred and ninety two percent of the drama. As the saying goes: A man is known by the company he keeps. Logic takes the high road in this action fraught drama. Will anyone eat garlic to avoid sex?
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13:30 |
Old man and his cart
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Auction show |
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13:30PM to 14:15PM.
Follow as he attempts to unload his "antiques" onto wine-quaffing buffoons.
Contains several scenes of wild beatings.
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14:15 |
Cook with whatever's left in your fridge
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Food / drink show |
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14:15PM to 15:00PM.
Celebrity Chef William Key visits people in their homes and cooks only with what's there in the fridge and cupboards.
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15:00 |
The odds aren't good but we still prevail every damned episode
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Science Fiction Series |
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15:00PM to 15:30PM.
Episodic calamity with attractive actors fighting aliens and any other sci-fi staples we can throw in there, only to continually win in the last few minutes.
Episode details:
Season 2, Ep. 8: Jonas wonders if this is the week to uncover the secrets of the universe. Who will save the situation?
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15:30 |
I was proud of my designing skills 'til you came along
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Home improvement show |
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15:30PM to 16:00PM.
Various people are humbled by foppish cads entering their homes and telling them how disgusting their home furnishing taste is.
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16:00 |
Play me that record again, I might recognise the tune
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Quiz show |
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16:00PM to 17:00PM.
Musical quiz; old people try to divine the tune by listening to the scratchy lead-in on an LP.
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17:00 |
Tears of a Clown
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Quiz show |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
Quiz show in which a professional clown is cowed by his peers until he has a nervous breakdown. Hosted by Kathryn Osborn
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17:30 |
Slags n Sluts
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Soap |
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17:30PM to 18:00PM.
Enjoyable soap.
Episode details:
Season 9, Ep. 55: No-one is sure Tracy is even serious. As the saying goes: nobody can serve two masters. Will Tracy confess to Frank about salivating constantly? It's time for Tracy to tell the truth about Frank. Has no-one thought of this before?
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18:00 |
Evening news
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News / political programme |
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18:00PM to 18:45PM.
Your working day is over - so see what misery befell other people.
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18:45 |
Local news
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News / political programme |
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18:45PM to 19:00PM.
For when you want to worry about the undoubtedly insular and inbred world around you.
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19:00 |
Friends who are fat don't let fat friends eat fat
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Soap |
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19:00PM to 20:00PM.
New weight loss and swimming show; poolside antics likely to include cannonballing.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 8: Karen decides to wake to discover their true gender, and she wonders what it would be like to not go around being able to see through walls. Alledgedly?
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20:00 |
Cracker Roosevelt
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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20:00PM to 21:00PM.
Roosevelt Pennington, white as the Ghost of Christmas Past, moves into a Harlem Ghetto only to discover that he shares nothing in common with his new neighbours except for a hatred of the government. Tune in each week for their latest harem-scarem attempts to infiltrate White House secrets, and expose the system.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 8: Leona knows chloe's little secret about testing the bath only after the baby has gone in. Everyone wonders what horrors will be next. Will leona discover the truth about what happens when not becoming a practicing homosexual?
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21:00 |
Wet wipes: a tale of woe
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Documentary |
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21:00PM to 21:30PM.
Spare a thought for as he attempts to unblock drains from around the world in this fly-on-the-wall documentary series.
The first three rows may get wet. But not in the good way.
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21:30 |
Night news
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News / political programme |
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21:30PM to 22:00PM.
Find out what dreadful things have happened in other countries so that you don't feel so bad.
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22:00 |
Alien Scabbard
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Sci-Fi Film |
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22:00PM to 00:00AM.
Alternative reality sci-fi in which all earthly weapons are actually alien beings who control us in order to destroy us.
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00:00 |
Smooth operators
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Comedy Series |
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00:00AM to 00:30AM.
Telephone operator Mary Livingston is trapped in the same 24 hours of her life.
Episode details:
Season 2, Ep. 10: Abigail Strickland begins to think about the drawing left on the fridge. As the proverb states: to err is human (to forgive divine). Armpits like wookiees provide at least four hundred and thirty three percent of the drama. To some degree or other, they've all thought about worshipping false idols.
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00:30 |
Dance like yo legs is on fire!
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Music |
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00:30AM to 01:30AM.
Exclamation marks abound in this fun-filled hour of sassed-up jazz dancing. Improvised music takes on improv dance in this groovy chill out town of style and funk. Y'all!!!
Contains scenes of outrageous dancing.
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01:30 |
Jocks and bullies: how to destroy their soul from a healthy distance
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Documentary |
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01:30AM to 02:30AM.
Revenge series in which 17 thirty year olds relive their pasts and seek revenge on bullies from their youth.
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