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05:30 |
Breakfast news
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News / political programme |
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05:30AM to 09:00AM.
We eat pieces of news for breakfast.
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09:00 |
It's grim up north
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Home improvement show |
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09:00AM to 09:45AM.
Home improvement show focusing on all the worst parts of the north so that those living in the south can assume that slums are "normal" once you go beyond the M25.
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09:45 |
Surf's down, dude
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Soap |
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09:45AM to 10:15AM.
Award winning Australian soap about a surfing community run by a group of sadistic older people.
Episode details:
Season 4, Ep. 6: Leona learns today what it means that: content is health to the sick and riches to the poor. The standard of everything falls from now on. Will anyone sing badly in front of the vicar?
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10:15 |
I couldn't eat my dinner, but I would like some pudding
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Kids show |
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10:15AM to 10:30AM.
Kids clips show.
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10:30 |
Exciting Fun with Poo Bear
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Kids show |
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10:30AM to 11:00AM.
Poo bear likes to his hands dirty.
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11:00 |
I ate it all in one sitting
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Food / drink show |
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11:00AM to 11:30AM.
Enormous foods and gastric surgery in one lip smacking, belly slapping, show.
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11:30 |
You know it's fresh when it cries on you
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Food / drink show |
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11:30AM to 12:00PM.
Butchery for beginners.
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12:00 |
Lunchtime news
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News / political programme |
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12:00PM to 12:30PM.
Because between breakfast and lunch, people will have died, and you need to know about it.
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12:30 |
Killer bee robots from Eastern Europe
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Science Fiction Series |
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12:30PM to 13:30PM.
Killer bees out to kill other bees in this novel US science fiction series.
Episode details:
Season 2, Ep. 1: Everything seems to change with someone turning goth. . Will no-one act to save the situation?
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13:30 |
Old man and his cart
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Auction show |
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13:30PM to 14:15PM.
Follow as he attempts to unload his "antiques" onto wine-quaffing buffoons.
Contains several scenes of wild beatings.
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14:15 |
Cook with whatever's left in your fridge
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Food / drink show |
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14:15PM to 15:00PM.
Celebrity Chef William Key visits people in their homes and cooks only with what's there in the fridge and cupboards.
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15:00 |
The odds aren't good but we still prevail every damned episode
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Science Fiction Series |
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15:00PM to 15:30PM.
Episodic calamity with attractive actors fighting aliens and any other sci-fi staples we can throw in there, only to continually win in the last few minutes.
Episode details:
Season 7, Ep. 4: Jonas wonders what it would be like to go around bothering goats on a daily basis; he can't seem to catch a break. A new arrival comes to visit.
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15:30 |
I was proud of my designing skills 'til you came along
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Home improvement show |
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15:30PM to 16:00PM.
Various people are humbled by foppish cads entering their homes and telling them how disgusting their home furnishing taste is.
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16:00 |
Play me that record again, I might recognise the tune
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Quiz show |
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16:00PM to 17:00PM.
Musical quiz; old people try to divine the tune by listening to the scratchy lead-in on an LP.
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17:00 |
Tears of a Clown
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Quiz show |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
Quiz show in which a professional clown is cowed by his peers until he has a nervous breakdown. Hosted by Kathryn Osborn
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17:30 |
Slags n Sluts
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Soap |
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17:30PM to 18:00PM.
Enjoyable soap.
Episode details:
Season 10, Ep. 1: Tracy wonders what it would be like to go around worshipping false idols. Logic takes the high road in this action fraught drama. Will anyone have to do this again?
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18:00 |
Evening news
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News / political programme |
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18:00PM to 18:45PM.
Your working day is over - so see what misery befell other people.
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18:45 |
Local news
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News / political programme |
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18:45PM to 19:00PM.
For when you want to worry about the undoubtedly insular and inbred world around you.
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19:00 |
Friends who are fat don't let fat friends eat fat
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Soap |
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19:00PM to 20:00PM.
New weight loss and swimming show; poolside antics likely to include cannonballing.
Episode details:
Season 2, Ep. 1: Leona will have to face the consequences of playing the piano, and she decides to chop it off and hope for the best. Will leona discover the truth about what happens when not preparing for the dentist? Some ideas are meant to be rejected; some make it this far.
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20:00 |
I want to be a celebrity
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Reality show |
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20:00PM to 21:00PM. Not available in your less worthy country
Frank reality show in which people who want to be a celebrity learn how to act like a celebrity by competing in bizarre challenges that no celebrity would ever endeavour.
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21:00 |
Wet wipes: a tale of woe
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Documentary |
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21:00PM to 21:30PM.
Spare a thought for as he attempts to unblock drains from around the world in this fly-on-the-wall documentary series.
The first three rows may get wet. But not in the good way.
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21:30 |
Night news
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News / political programme |
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21:30PM to 22:00PM.
Find out what dreadful things have happened in other countries so that you don't feel so bad.
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22:00 |
Aborted love
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Drama Film |
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22:00PM to 00:00AM.
A harrowing tale following a man who steals aborted foetuses from a hospital in order to care for them at home.
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00:00 |
Would you like a latte with your 5 mile jog?
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Reality show |
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00:00AM to 00:30AM.
Coffee shenanigans in this fly-on-the-wall series about baristas working in gyms.
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00:30 |
Dance like yo legs is on fire!
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Music |
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00:30AM to 01:30AM.
Exclamation marks abound in this fun-filled hour of sassed-up jazz dancing. Improvised music takes on improv dance in this groovy chill out town of style and funk. Y'all!!!
Contains scenes of outrageous dancing.
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01:30 |
Hogwash
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Documentary |
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01:30AM to 02:30AM.
Documentary showing the various ways in which different livestock are polished fit for market.
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Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy
George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction
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