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05:30 |
Breakfast news
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News / political programme |
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05:30AM to 08:30AM.
We eat pieces of news for breakfast.
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08:30 |
Political boredom
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News / political programme |
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08:30AM to 10:30AM.
Politicians pretending they are funky by telling black people they are stupid and poor, gay people that they are immoral, and anyone who isn't rich that they are lazy.
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10:30 |
Get your balls out of my court
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Documentary |
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10:30AM to 11:00AM.
Tennis instructor William Barker shows us how she trains in preparation for Wimbledon.
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11:00 |
Where's there's danger there's adventure
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Documentary |
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11:00AM to 12:00PM.
Wildlife series starring
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12:00 |
Lunchtime news
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News / political programme |
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12:00PM to 12:30PM.
Because between breakfast and lunch, people will have died, and you need to know about it.
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12:30 |
Sunday Sports
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Sport |
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12:30PM to 13:30PM.
Sports extravaganza, featuring past sports heroes who have run out of drug money.
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13:30 |
Herald of the Soul Creepers
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Horror Film |
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13:30PM to 15:30PM.
Leggy blonde Sally Creepers sells her soul on a dare during a drunken mist. Suddenly fourteen fingers have rammed their way up her and are tearing at her stomach. Is any of this real? She won't know for sure until the dream ends.
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15:30 |
Legs that tell the time
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Current / consumer affairs |
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15:30PM to 16:00PM.
A look into the fascinating world of health psychic Imogene Ritter.
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16:00 |
'Ten for that? You must be mad!'
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Auction show |
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16:00PM to 16:30PM.
People who don't understand the system of bartering get nailed trying to sell their own stuff.
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16:30 |
The Grape Pretender
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Food / drink show |
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16:30PM to 17:30PM. Available only for recording to VHS or Betamax.
A guide to wines and wine tasting, hosted by the world's greatest wine experts Josie Haney and Philip Krause.
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17:30 |
The clue is in the title
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Cartoon |
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17:30PM to 18:00PM.
Infinite mirrors game with Tom Kemp
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 4: Leona finally notices that chloe is salivating constantly. Remember: half the cast voted for this storyline.
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18:00 |
Evening news
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News / political programme |
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18:00PM to 18:45PM.
Your working day is over - so see what misery befell other people.
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18:45 |
Local news
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News / political programme |
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18:45PM to 19:00PM.
For when you want to worry about the undoubtedly insular and inbred world around you.
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19:00 |
Sit the hell down
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Documentary |
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19:00PM to 19:30PM.
Parenting guide for foreign toddlers who are forced to look after younger siblings while their parents work in sweatshops.
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19:30 |
Things people find between their toes
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Hospital drama |
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19:30PM to 20:30PM.
Real-life hospital drama starring a number of people who lose their lives, a number of people who suffer embarrassing conditions, and a number of people who work at the hospital and clearly hate doing so.
Episode details:
Season 2, Ep. 1: Leona will have to face the consequences of playing the piano, and she decides to chop it off and hope for the best. Will leona discover the truth about what happens when not preparing for the dentist? Some ideas are meant to be rejected; some make it this far.
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20:30 |
I ain't
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Comedy Series |
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20:30PM to 21:00PM.
Comedy improvisation show in which contestants must attempt to make the other laugh by creating sentences that never quite finish. Contains scenes of
Episode details:
Season 7, Ep. 17: No matter what occurs in this episode, nobody will accept their flaws. Until next time.
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21:00 |
If it's in my pants drawer, am I forced to wear it?
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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21:00PM to 21:30PM.
Weekly comedy crime mystery in which at least three people per episode are forced to cross-dress because they go undercover and nobody of the correct gender is available for some reason.
Episode details:
Season 8, Ep. 5: Everyone forgets what happened recently. It can only end with someone tickling the ivories.
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21:30 |
Night news
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News / political programme |
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21:30PM to 22:00PM.
Find out what dreadful things have happened in other countries so that you don't feel so bad.
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22:00 |
Hope springs
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Comedy Series |
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22:00PM to 22:30PM.
Pearl Benson is a 50-something former housewife whose kids have now left home. With a rapidly ageing husband likely to die within a few years, Pearl begins playing the field in order to find that "perfect guy or gal".
Episode details:
Season 5, Ep. 15: The trouble with playing the piano begins to change the overall effect of the smartphone covers everything seems to change with someone growing a moustache. Speaking to another man's wife doesn't bother Hope as much as it did Fatima. Who will save the situation?
Contains scenes of a sexual and/or gay nature.
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22:30 |
My car and where I parked it
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Documentary |
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22:30PM to 23:15PM.
Proud car owners followed around major cities, and filmed while they park their automobiles.
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23:15 |
A shard in the eye for old Larsen
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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23:15PM to 00:15AM.
Glass blower Alexandra Larsen is a mild-mannered Octogenarian by day... but by night she becomes a super-sleuth Octogenerian crime stopping investigator. Follow her new adventures every week as we try to somehow blend in the occupation of glass blowing into a crime.
Episode details:
Season 3, Ep. 4: Someone everything. Virginia learns today what it means that: wisdom is neither inheritance nor a legacy. Some ideas are meant to be rejected; some make it this far.
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00:15 |
How do famous authors write such shit?
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Documentary |
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00:15AM to 01:00AM.
A documentary tracking famous authors and how they are able to get away with writing a lot of crap literature.
Contains scenes that may be disturbing to teenage wizards.
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01:00 |
Wet wipes: a tale of woe
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Documentary |
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01:00AM to 01:30AM.
Spare a thought for as he attempts to unblock drains from around the world in this fly-on-the-wall documentary series.
The first three rows may get wet. But not in the good way.
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01:30 |
Buzz
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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01:30AM to 02:30AM. Record option unavailable, because your remote's batteries are low
Crime drama about a man, Pete Faulkner, who hears a buzzing noise in his head whenever crime is about to happen. Co-stars his latest wife (which changes half way through each season).
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 11: Yellow is probably to blame for nothing. Some ideas are meant to be rejected; some make it this far.
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Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy
George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction
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