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05:30 |
Breakfast news
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News / political programme |
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05:30AM to 09:00AM.
We eat pieces of news for breakfast.
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09:00 |
It's grim up north
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Home improvement show |
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09:00AM to 09:45AM.
Home improvement show focusing on all the worst parts of the north so that those living in the south can assume that slums are "normal" once you go beyond the M25.
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09:45 |
Surf's down, dude
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Soap |
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09:45AM to 10:15AM.
Award winning Australian soap about a surfing community run by a group of sadistic older people.
Episode details:
Season 3, Ep. 7: Logic takes the high road in this action fraught drama. What is swallowed once, is never attempted again. A new arrival comes to visit. When playing with people's emotions, sometimes you've got to really push the boat out.
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10:15 |
I couldn't eat my dinner, but I would like some pudding
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Kids show |
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10:15AM to 10:30AM.
Kids clips show.
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10:30 |
Exciting Fun with Poo Bear
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Kids show |
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10:30AM to 11:00AM.
Poo bear likes to his hands dirty.
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11:00 |
I ate it all in one sitting
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Food / drink show |
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11:00AM to 11:30AM.
Enormous foods and gastric surgery in one lip smacking, belly slapping, show.
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11:30 |
You know it's fresh when it cries on you
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Food / drink show |
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11:30AM to 12:00PM.
Butchery for beginners.
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12:00 |
Lunchtime news
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News / political programme |
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12:00PM to 12:30PM.
Because between breakfast and lunch, people will have died, and you need to know about it.
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12:30 |
Killer bee robots from Eastern Europe
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Science Fiction Series |
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12:30PM to 13:30PM.
Killer bees out to kill other bees in this novel US science fiction series.
Episode details:
Season 8, Ep. 1: Everyone wonders what horrors will be next. blue is probably to thank for something. Tomorrow is a new day. Nobody knows, and nobody cares. Possibly?
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13:30 |
Old man and his cart
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Auction show |
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13:30PM to 14:15PM.
Follow as he attempts to unload his "antiques" onto wine-quaffing buffoons.
Contains several scenes of wild beatings.
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14:15 |
Cook with whatever's left in your fridge
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Food / drink show |
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14:15PM to 15:00PM.
Celebrity Chef William Key visits people in their homes and cooks only with what's there in the fridge and cupboards.
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15:00 |
The odds aren't good but we still prevail every damned episode
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Science Fiction Series |
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15:00PM to 15:30PM.
Episodic calamity with attractive actors fighting aliens and any other sci-fi staples we can throw in there, only to continually win in the last few minutes.
Episode details:
Season 9, Ep. 10: Leona nguyen finds out that chloe is avoiding washing, and she learns today what it means that: all things come to those that wait. Writers strikes definitely did not happen at this point in the series.
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15:30 |
I was proud of my designing skills 'til you came along
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Home improvement show |
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15:30PM to 16:00PM.
Various people are humbled by foppish cads entering their homes and telling them how disgusting their home furnishing taste is.
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16:00 |
Play me that record again, I might recognise the tune
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Quiz show |
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16:00PM to 17:00PM.
Musical quiz; old people try to divine the tune by listening to the scratchy lead-in on an LP.
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17:00 |
Tears of a Clown
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Quiz show |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
Quiz show in which a professional clown is cowed by his peers until he has a nervous breakdown. Hosted by Kathryn Osborn
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17:30 |
Slags n Sluts
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Soap |
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17:30PM to 18:00PM.
Enjoyable soap.
Episode details:
Season 8, Ep. 45: Everyone wonders what horrors will be next. Avoiding washing doesn't bother Tracy Walker as much as it did Frank. Sweet baby jesus and all his goblin minions is probably ecstatic for everything. When was your birthday, pretty eyes?
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18:00 |
Evening news
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News / political programme |
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18:00PM to 18:45PM.
Your working day is over - so see what misery befell other people.
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18:45 |
Local news
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News / political programme |
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18:45PM to 19:00PM.
For when you want to worry about the undoubtedly insular and inbred world around you.
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19:00 |
Friends who are fat don't let fat friends eat fat
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Soap |
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19:00PM to 20:00PM.
New weight loss and swimming show; poolside antics likely to include cannonballing.
Episode details:
Season 2, Ep. 4: Everyone forgets what happened recently. Leona is left regretting growing a beard. Is this the beginning of the end?
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20:00 |
Cracker Roosevelt
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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20:00PM to 21:00PM.
Roosevelt Pennington, white as the Ghost of Christmas Past, moves into a Harlem Ghetto only to discover that he shares nothing in common with his new neighbours except for a hatred of the government. Tune in each week for their latest harem-scarem attempts to infiltrate White House secrets, and expose the system.
Episode details:
Season 2, Ep. 5: Jack is warned that not telling anyone their real name May not be the right answer; he decides it might be time to uncover the secrets of the universe. Someone discovers nothing; he considers the moral rights and wrongs of wearing someone else's clothing. Finishing with a question mark?
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21:00 |
Wet wipes: a tale of woe
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Documentary |
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21:00PM to 21:30PM.
Spare a thought for as he attempts to unblock drains from around the world in this fly-on-the-wall documentary series.
The first three rows may get wet. But not in the good way.
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21:30 |
Night news
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News / political programme |
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21:30PM to 22:00PM.
Find out what dreadful things have happened in other countries so that you don't feel so bad.
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22:00 |
Herald of the Soul Creepers
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Horror Film |
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22:00PM to 00:00AM.
Leggy blonde Sally Creepers sells her soul on a dare during a drunken mist. Suddenly fourteen fingers have rammed their way up her and are tearing at her stomach. Is any of this real? She won't know for sure until the dream ends.
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00:00 |
Smooth operators
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Comedy Series |
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00:00AM to 00:30AM.
Telephone operator Mary Livingston is trapped in the same 24 hours of her life.
Episode details:
Season 3, Ep. 8: As someone finds out the smell coming from next door, sweaty dogs discuss the long term peace treaty. Will no-one act to save the situation?
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00:30 |
Dance like yo legs is on fire!
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Music |
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00:30AM to 01:30AM.
Exclamation marks abound in this fun-filled hour of sassed-up jazz dancing. Improvised music takes on improv dance in this groovy chill out town of style and funk. Y'all!!!
Contains scenes of outrageous dancing.
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01:30 |
Jocks and bullies: how to destroy their soul from a healthy distance
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Documentary |
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01:30AM to 02:30AM.
Revenge series in which 17 thirty year olds relive their pasts and seek revenge on bullies from their youth.
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