Heroes After Microsoft and Activision Blizzard Merger Blocked!

In a stunning show of independence and common sense, the UK's regulatory body has blocked the takeover of Activision Blizzard by Microsoft.

The move has been hailed as something of a victory for gamers, who had expressed concerns about the potential impact on their beloved titles. Upon hearing the news, Bill Gates was reportedly "livid," while Activision CEO Bobby Kotick could only offer a stoic "Well, shucks."

But while the tech giants fumed, the British public breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God for that," said 24-year-old gamer, Sarah Thompson. "I mean, can you imagine what would happen if Microsoft got their hands on Call of Duty or World of Warcraft? It'd be like putting your cat in a room with a pitbull! And that's not the kind of thing I want to deal with on a Sunday evening."

Others were less concerned with the technical ramifications of the merger, but more fixated on the fact that celebrities were involved in the takeover. One Twitter user, @MythicalMuppet, alleged that Jennifer Aniston had been spotted in the Microsoft headquarters lobby, rallying behind Bill Gates, while Amanda Holden was seen outside Activision HQ, holding a protest sign that read "Don't Let These Tech Geeks Ruin Our Good Games!"

The UK's own Jeremy Clarkson also weighed in via a statement: "I've always maintained that cars and video games are the two things that make this country great. But if Microsoft wants to take over Activision, then where does that leave us? With no creativity left in the world, that's where."

Despite widespread concerns, Gates remained bullish about the deal, declaring that "it's just a matter of time before Microsoft is the only game in town. And when that happens, I look forward to having complete control over all of your lives."

However, when pressed for further comment, a spokesperson added, "Of course, I'm just kidding...or am I?"

Eventually, the UK regulators' decision was final and while the announcement wasn't welcomed by the corporate world, UK consumers breathed a collective sigh of relief. One gamer, 28-year-old Daniel Blake, said: "This was a close one, I was worried I would have to learn a new gaming platform, but now I can rest easy knowing that my World of Warcraft fixation is safe for now. The UK did good!".

So, for now, it seems that we will still have a varied and competitive gaming scene for years to come. But as Gates ominously warned, "The fight goes on. Remember, the future of gaming lies in the hands of those with the biggest wallets...or PR teams."