Rishi Sunak loses mobile phone on train

British Prime Minister, Rishi "Dishy" Sunak has been found wanting by losing his mobile phone on the train this week. Mr Sunak is the second minister is as many days to have lost an important piece of equipment on public transport, following Jeremy Hunt's loss of his ankle tracker early on Monday morning. Mr Sunak is said to be "sad, sorrrowful, and with much hope that the future of the nation, nay the party, nay the average British Citizen can find it in their hearts to bash pots and pans in... sorry, what was the question?"

Mr Sunak is well known for his policies on something. But even he's not quite sure what. It was once said that Jeremy Corbin's aide kissed Mr Sunak on the bottom during a Queen concert in 1982, but this is scurrilous and unfortunate rumour.

"Are you entertained?" is said to be Sunak's favourite phrase to use in meetings. This, despite the fact this is being said a) in a meeting, and b) by Mr Sunak.