UK News Politics

"We'll pay people with hugs, not money" government decides

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The UK government has officially announced a groundbreaking new payment plan that is sure to shake things up - citizens will now receive hugs as a substitute for money.

Rishi Sunak cried tears of joy as he delivered the news, exclaiming, "I've always been a hugger at heart, and now everyone can experience the warmth and comfort that comes with a good embrace!"

While some citizens are ecstatic about the new payment plan, others are skeptical. "I mean, I love hugs as much as the next person, but how am I supposed to pay my rent with them?" questioned London resident, Simon Smith.

Meanwhile, other citizens have already started reaping the benefits. "I got hugged by Tom Hardy yesterday and let me tell you, it was worth way more than any paycheck I've ever received," said Emily Brown, a self-proclaimed hug enthusiast.

However, not all celebrities are on board with the plan. Piers Morgan, avid Trump supporter and professional grump, tweeted, "I refuse to participate in this socialist scheme. I'll take cold hard cash over a hug any day."

Despite the mixed reactions, the UK government is determined to make this new payment plan work. If all else fails, they may resort to offering free puppies instead of hugs. "That's a guaranteed win," said Sunak with a grin.

Only time will tell if the nation will fully embrace this new system, or if it will all fall apart in a flurry of awkward embraces.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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