A Wisconsin man has been arrested today on charges of public indecency with regards to "pigeon fancying". The accused, whose name has not been Avery disclosed to the media, is already serving a prison sentence, but this has not prevented local law enforcement from charging him with a crime that was said to have taken place on a Manitowoc road.
Sergeant James "Lenk" Colborn told us:
"I knew the pigeon fancier was the deceased, that is to say, the accused, when I shook him real good and all this junk just fell out of him. I distinctly remember the shaking, because I did have a vial of blood on me at the time, which I didn't want to get on my clothes. I'll write a report about in in 2021 - I have a lot to catch up on."
Steven Avery, who is absolutely not the man accused by the Manitowoc County Sheriff department, is currently in jail facing life imprisonment for a crime he claims not to have done. Is it more than unfortunate - tragic even - that the crime in question, the murder of Teresa Halbach, is being questioned in any way, and for that this reporter apologises.
There is no immediate suggestion by cops as to how Avery, who now bears an uncanny resemblance to Santa Claus, managed to sneak out of jail in order to "fancy" his pigeons, nor is there any suggestion that they understand that the term pigeon fancier is related simply to the keeping of pigeons, rather than the sick act of bird rape. These details, however, have not prevented the local DA's office from gleefully accepting the case, with an eye to prosecution within only a few more hours. The judge is ready, and wearing his metaphorical black cap.