A new study released today shows a 94% increase in the chances of developing ulcers for those subjected to random bouts of rap music. The study, conducted by a series of increasingly grumpy and relatively old white people, shows a distinct correlation between the growth of ulcers, both mouth and stomach, and the frequency of hearing short sharp bouts of rap music, usually streaming from a passing car.
98% of people interviewed said that their main source of listening to rap music was from strange cars, which, the study has suggested, should be given the title of Doppler Rap.
"It's a scary statistic," said Mary Bell, head researcher for the study group. "I once had a stomach ulcer so big I swear I could see it if I opened my mouth real wide. That rap music is to blame is no real surprise, but at least it gives us a specific target to moan at."
Some, however, have questioned the approach of the researchers. Jenny McClue, researcher at SocialStatisticsGroupLtdInc told us:
"The problem with this study is that it's conducted by a group of people who conducted the research on themselves; and there is a strong bias towards finding the correlation in the first place because these guys hate rap music quite passionately - I found out that they're members of a Facebook group that opposes rap. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the ulcers they complain about are actually caused by their hatred and bile."
According to the original study, rap music now makes up 98% of all music produced around the world. They also suggest that making statistical claims not ranged in the upper ninety percents are not worth making.