US News Health

Portland Man Saves Half His Lunch For Later

story image about Guile and Half
5 comment(s)
Report story

PORTLAND, OR - After many failed attempts and more than a few stomach aches in the process, Oregon resident Gus Guile successfully saved half of his lunch for later. "Often times I think to myself, I shouldn't eat all of this, but the next thing I know I'm finishing off the last bite," Guile said, shaking his head. "Today was different."

The lunch in question was a chicken and bacon sandwich from Burnside Deli in downtown Portland. "It came on a large roll and was served with a side of chilli, an enormous amount of food. When I got done with the first half of the sandwich and saw how much chilli was left, I was worried, wondering how I would finish it all," said Guile. He continued, "That's when it hit me that I could save the other half for later."

It's not the first time he has made such a proclamation. Only last week Guile purchased a chicken burrito from a food cart a couple blocks from his highrise office building with the intention of only eating half.

"I thought to myself, 'I'll have half'," Guile exclaimed, "But when it came time to wrap up the other half and put it away, I convinced myself I was still hungry. I'm so stupid."

Lisa Martin works on the 17th floor of the Koin Center and remembers the aftermath. "Gus said he was going to, 'hit the food carts'. He came back with a burrito the size of an infant and a few minutes later I saw him puking into a potted plant. We lost some clients that day."

Gus noted that it was after 3:00 and he was thinking about dipping into the break room and finishing off the sandwich. "We'll see," he said, "we'll see."





The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

Headlines like this

thumbnail for item Reaching for a hand print

Son of a preacher man arrested

World 0

Errol Joneson, son of eminent New York preacher Jones Joneson, was today arrested after complaints were made about him 'reaching' for women in subways. CCTV footage of one specific...

read more
11 years ago
thumbnail for item Louis Van Gaal

Manchester United finally land Louis Van Gaal

UK News Sport 0

British soccer club Manchester United have released the news that they have finally completed the signing of Louis Van Gaal. It's taken over 3 years for the London based club to r...

read more
12 years ago

Comments

#1 @ 10 years ago
by crate-receipt272 - Ghost

I have really liked the articles on laughs end, but it's all turning much of a muchness now. I I fall asleep at any time, you'll have to... :)

9 comments, registered 11 years ago
#2 @ 10 years ago
by peafowl_direction7 - One-off wonder

Super meh. :)

1 comment, registered 11 years ago
#3 @ 10 years ago
by MEERKATLUNCH - Ghost

I don't really understand... and yet I do understand. I have a feeling I'm not the true audience for this.

8 comments, registered 10 years ago
#4 @ 10 years ago
by thought toad - Ghost

peafowl_direction7 wrote

Super meh. :)

FACEPALM.

:(

4 comments, registered 12 years ago
#5 @ 10 years ago
by mmurillo911 - Ghost

MEERKATLUNCH wrote

I don't really understand... and yet I do understand. I have a feeling I'm not the true audience for this.

EFFECTIVE. I DON'T KNOW.

2 comments, registered 10 years ago

To add a comment you must first sign up and login.


Aquarius horoscope

You must also smell as sweet as you look. Terrible things will happen to someone you hate today. You may feel joyous....

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

thumbnail for Celine Dion news story Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy thumbnail for Bush news story George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction
Funny RSS feed