Definition of 'Science' to be debated as homeopathic medicine users scream oppression as the use of phrase 'pseudo-science'

The US government today announced plans to potentially redefine the meaning of 'Science', in a move that some have condemned as a challenge to common sense. Although there have been state-by-state attempts to undermine science in recent years, often culminating in efforts to deny the existence of dinosaurs, and promote the teaching of creationism, Federal policy has previously been to leave the world mostly to itself and ignore the nutters.

The Obama administration are today, however, alleged to be examining the meaning of science in order to quell some debate around the controversial-only-to-idiots Obamacare programme. Some have suggested that Obamacare is pernicious because there is not enough oversight in the Food and Drug Administration's application of what good science really is. Critics of the scheme point to efforts to label certain medications as 'pseudo-science' - a label that they say damages the reputation of health mollifying medicines.

"It's ridiculous," said one homeopathic medicine user, Jan Wort. "What's hard-science to me is pseudo-science to them. They're demeaning me and diminishing my right to say what works and what doesn't. If I slap someone over the head with a frying pan because I believe it cures brain cancer - how dare they try to oppress me! I'm a victim here, and I'm going to go and suck on my 1 part per trillion belladonna infused rag until someone listens to me!"

The government has previously steered clear of debates along these lines, usually because they're a no-win fight against ignorance and bigotry. However, one spokesperson for the current administration did suggest that Obama was allowing the debate to go ahead because "fuck it, he's in his last few months".

Scientists were unavailable for comment, partly because they were trying out that frying pan across the head cure for cancer.