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Man writes novel in which main character is a writer

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Welshman Chris Hummels today apologised to the world after confessing that his latest novel features a main character who is a writer. Hundreds of people have gathered around Mr Hummels house, accusing him of violating a sacred bond between writer and reader, with many calling for his hands to be cut off.

"It's a real kick in the teeth," said bystander Mary Whatsername. "I've been brought low before, by the US airmen for instance in 1942 - some of them were definitely a handful. Anyway, yes, what Mr Hummels has done has basically destroyed reading for me forever. Writing about a writer indeed. Write what you know, that's what they say. Well what do they know about it? It's a disgrace."

Writers have been long lambasted for their peculiar habit of poorly randomising their main character's method of employment. Statistics show that 98.3% of all writers choose Washing Machine Repairperson as their go-to choice of job, with 1% going for housewife/husband. However, recent trends have rather bucked the odds, with many books written in the last year creating jobs for their characters in far more wide-ranging varieties. A phone conversation with Mr Hummels gave us this insight:

"I was with my writing buddies the other day, down the pub, and one of us said, 'How about making my main character a lifeguard?'. I said why not - and while we're at it, let's wear our underpants on our heads and call one another Hitler. But then I realised that I was being a proper dingbat. Why can't a character be a lifeguard instead of a washing machine repairman? It was a real lightbulb moment - and yet here are these maniacs outside my door, threatening to bust open my washing machine and see how I get on with a writer coming to repair it. Beggars belief."

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Comments

#1 @ 3 years ago
by r holden - Ghost

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

4 comments, registered 3 years ago
#2 @ 3 years ago
by AGREEMENTTERRITORY - Ghost

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I am annoyed that people want to seen god-awful lie this.

4 comments, registered 4 years ago
#3 @ 3 years ago
by a glover - One-off wonder

AGREEMENTTERRITORY wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I am annoyed that people want to seen god-awful lie this.

This rocks my world. :)

1 comment, registered 5 years ago
#4 @ 3 years ago
by Calum Tingham - Writer

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I cant agre more with this. Loved it.

3 comments, registered 3 years ago
#5 @ 3 years ago
by James @ NMU - Writer

calumtingham wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I cant agre more with this. Loved it.

I want sum1 to brand the dog owner's *with the word cunt as punishment for this. :(.

7 comments, registered 3 years ago
#6 @ 3 years ago
by Calum Tingham - Writer

JamesG wrote

calumtingham wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I cant agre more with this. Loved it.

I want sum1 to brand the dog owner's *with the word cunt as punishment for this. :(.

How lagh-out-loud. :)

3 comments, registered 3 years ago
#7 @ 3 years ago
by Bushes Chamois - Quiet veteran

calumtingham wrote

JamesG wrote

calumtingham wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I cant agre more with this. Loved it.

I want sum1 to brand the dog owner's *with the word cunt as punishment for this. :(.

How lagh-out-loud. :)

You are gorgeous. :)

24 comments, registered 5 years ago
#8 @ 3 years ago
by Alyssa DiSalle - Writer

calumtingham wrote

JamesG wrote

calumtingham wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I cant agre more with this. Loved it.

I want sum1 to brand the dog owner's *with the word cunt as punishment for this. :(.

How lagh-out-loud. :)

IVE SERIOUSLY LOVED THE ITEMS ON LOL SEND, BUT ITS ALL SAMEY NOW. :)

3 comments, registered 3 years ago
#9 @ 3 years ago
by ram sardine13 - Ghost

Bushes Chamois wrote

calumtingham wrote

JamesG wrote

calumtingham wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I cant agre more with this. Loved it.

I want sum1 to brand the dog owner's *with the word cunt as punishment for this. :(.

How lagh-out-loud. :)

You are gorgeous. :)

snore. i guess. :)

7 comments, registered 3 years ago
#10 @ 3 years ago
by root-connection7 - Ghost

ram sardine13 wrote

Bushes Chamois wrote

calumtingham wrote

JamesG wrote

calumtingham wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I cant agre more with this. Loved it.

I want sum1 to brand the dog owner's *with the word cunt as punishment for this. :(.

How lagh-out-loud. :)

You are gorgeous. :)

snore. i guess. :)

I JUST DON'T GET IT. I DON'T VERY MUCH UNDERSTAND... AND YET I DO UNDERSTAND.

4 comments, registered 3 years ago
#11 @ 3 years ago
by Seal_Religion666 - Ghost

AGREEMENTTERRITORY wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I am annoyed that people want to seen god-awful lie this.

Here is the clear master of deflecting attention.

10 comments, registered 4 years ago
#12 @ 3 years ago
by AGREEMENTTERRITORY - Ghost

Seal_Religion666 wrote

AGREEMENTTERRITORY wrote

r holden wrote

I DETEST THIS KIND OF BOLLOCK'S, SO JUST ACCEPT THAT I'M RIGHT, TOSSERS.

I am annoyed that people want to seen god-awful lie this.

Here is the clear master of deflecting attention.

I have this printed on a hat. Absolutely spot o. :)

4 comments, registered 4 years ago

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