Welshman Chris Hummels today apologised to the world after confessing that his latest novel features a main character who is a writer. Hundreds of people have gathered around Mr Hummels house, accusing him of violating a sacred bond between writer and reader, with many calling for his hands to be cut off.
"It's a real kick in the teeth," said bystander Mary Whatsername. "I've been brought low before, by the US airmen for instance in 1942 - some of them were definitely a handful. Anyway, yes, what Mr Hummels has done has basically destroyed reading for me forever. Writing about a writer indeed. Write what you know, that's what they say. Well what do they know about it? It's a disgrace."
Writers have been long lambasted for their peculiar habit of poorly randomising their main character's method of employment. Statistics show that 98.3% of all writers choose Washing Machine Repairperson as their go-to choice of job, with 1% going for housewife/husband. However, recent trends have rather bucked the odds, with many books written in the last year creating jobs for their characters in far more wide-ranging varieties. A phone conversation with Mr Hummels gave us this insight:
"I was with my writing buddies the other day, down the pub, and one of us said, 'How about making my main character a lifeguard?'. I said why not - and while we're at it, let's wear our underpants on our heads and call one another Hitler. But then I realised that I was being a proper dingbat. Why can't a character be a lifeguard instead of a washing machine repairman? It was a real lightbulb moment - and yet here are these maniacs outside my door, threatening to bust open my washing machine and see how I get on with a writer coming to repair it. Beggars belief."
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