Scottish's First Minister Alex Salmond has today declared his intention to start fighting for a "wholly independent Scotland; free from the UK; free from Europe; and free from the rest of the world!". Salmond's claim comes less than a month before Scotland puts their Yes or No to a referendum on whether the country should abscond from the UK and set up shop all by itself.
"Only by seceding from all boundaries, alliances and unions can Scotland ever be truly independent. What if, years from now, aliens come and visit Earth. What will we do? Will we wait around while the United States and Russia have a long talk with Johnny Alien, and Scotland has to sit on the kid's table throwing curly-fries at the French? No - we say that Scotland must be recognised as an entirely sovereign and individual state. Nothing will be good enough for this Scotland!"
Salmond's views are ally to a number of states around the globe, including Iran and North Korea. Some, however, disagree with the first miniter's take on full Scottish independence. Leader of the pro-Union Better Together campaign, Alistair Darling, took issue with the declaration:
"It's poppycock. Mr Salmond has egg on his face from a series of live debates that have not gone his way. Without the world at his side, Scotland will be in no position to guarantee alien trade, nor will it necessarily be able to procure lucrative technology trades if it is not allied with a more substantial existing superpower. Once again the first minister has proven his lack of experience is likely to be his own undoing, but hopefully not our country's."
The Yes campaign currently show a slight lead in the vote for Scotland's independence, though exit polls are, of course, utter nonsense.