The officials at the World Health Organization have confirmed their suspicion that elderly people are simply not healthy for the rest of us.
They are recommending that this issue be put in the forefront of American health issues, noting they're glad zika virus can finally relax from the recent media blasting. While they were not totally clear on how to resolve this issue, eradication was not ruled out. A result of an expansive three day study has people of the academic community stumped.
"I guess we always knew it was true, but just weren't willing to admit it", says David Goldsberg of the Medical College of Georgia. "Honestly I don't know where to proceed from here. Typically when something is toxic to society, we take care of that problem."
The WHO has released the following guidelines to protect yourself from the elderly:
1) Avoid all bingo halls, nursing homes, shady backstreet corners, dim lit areas
2) Walk in groups
3) Report any sightings of an individual appearing to be 65 or older to WHO hotline at 1-678-OLDPEOPLE or email firstname.lastname@example.org
If you do find yourself in contact with the old folk please call your nearest Poison Prevention Center, or take as much Tylenol as necessary to die.