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Boris Johnson today admitted, he stands firmly behind the implementation of a point-based immigration system, should the British voters decide to leave the European Union. Speaking to a crowd of cheering campaigners at Ye olde Burgerbraukeller; the mildly-enthusiastic Euro skeptic even went a step further and presented the useful idiots present with suggestions to traits and skills which could accumulate points for the would be asylum-seeker.

“We all know that a proper grasp of the language is one of - if not the most - important ingredient to a rapid and successful integration. I therefore propose that anyone coming to our shores speaking a reasonable English should be awarded a solid 5 points … 10 if they also speak Welsh.”

He then went on to list a few other items with an increasingly reddish hue. “Ones ability to tolerate Marmite and James Blunt could be another indicator to determine if England really is the place for you.”

Also sporting tattoos, preferably portraying Andy Capp and being able to recite `You’ll never walk alone´ was mentioned. But most determined did he appear when addressing the notion of a free pass.

“Let me make it absolutely clear; free passes will exclusively be given to people who are either wealthy beyond a mayors imagination or blessed with a full head of unruly hair the color of a mustard field in bloom - end quote.

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by Dhruv Chatterjee - Writer


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