Cockney test causing uproar

In a shocking revelation, a group of linguistics experts have claimed that one does not need to be from London to be considered a cockney. This news has sent shockwaves throughout the UK and has caused uproar among those who are "true" cockneys.

"I'm absolutely livid about it. How can you be a proper cockney if you're not from London? It's outrageous!" exclaimed Danny, a lifelong resident of East London.

The study has caused a rift in the nation, with many arguing that being a cockney is not just about how someone speaks, but where they come from.

"It's like saying you can be a true Scotsman without being born in Scotland. It's nonsense!" argued Dave, a proud Scottish cockney transplant.

The experts claim that the features of cockney speech, such as rhyming slang and dropping the H, have spread beyond London, and can now be found in other regions.

"It's a linguistic phenomenon. These features have been passed down through generations and have spread across the country. It's not just limited to London," stated linguist Dr. Sarah Smith.

Despite this, the public remains divided on the issue, with many feeling that cockney is a unique identifier of East London, and should not be diluted by outsiders.

"It's like trying to create a knock-off East End market. You can try, but it'll never be the real thing," quipped Lily, a lifelong resident of Bow.

In response to the study, many cockney diehards have claimed that they will continue to only recognize those from London as true cockneys, even if they exhibit the same linguistic features.

"You can't just waltz in and claim to be a cockney without experiencing the hardships and joys of East London life. As the old saying goes, 'Being a proper Londoner is about having the heart of the city in your bones,'" shunned Frank, a fourth-generation cockney.

But for others, the study has been a welcome change, allowing those who have adopted the features of cockney speech to embrace their linguistic heritage.

"It doesn't matter where you come from. If you speak cockney, you're a cockney. It's as simple as that," argued Maria, an Essex native who has been practicing her cockney accent for years.

As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: being a cockney is not just about how you speak, but a badge of pride and identity for those who call the East End home. Or, at least, where they claim to call home.

In the words of Danny, "Listen mate, you can't just come in 'ere and claim to be a cockney. You gotta earn it. And if you ain't from these parts, you're not a proper geezer, are ya?"