UK News Health Sci / Tech

EU demands Brit condoms 10% thicker to ensure less pleasure and fewer accidental children

story image about Brit condoms 10 and fewer accidental She's not as happy as she seems
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The EU, or European Union if we absolutely must use its full title, has today declared that Britain must ensure that its condoms are ten percent thicker than those sold elsewhere on the continent. Conspiracy theorists, and politicians running for various appointed positions, have jumped on the news as proof that the EU wishes to harm British interests.

"It's an absolute kick in the arse," said Joris Bhonson, Mayor of Hearts. "These god forsaken European tarts and toffs making up rules about we can do in our own beds? It's anarchy. Next they'll be telling us what we can and cannot have in the good old fashioned British sausage!"

Bhonson was not alone in his questioning or condemnation of the move. Head conspiracist at website TheyLookInOurEyesWhenWeSleep.com, told us a rather more disturbing likely story:

"Oh it's just the EU playing their usual games. Nothing changes. The condom will be thicker so that a) British men folk feel less pleasure from the physical act of intercourse, and b) so that there's less risk of splitting, thus cutting down on accidental pregnancy. It's what we call a twofer."

This twofer has caused outrage amongst the red-tops, with The Sun declaring "EU wot m8!", and The Mirror decrying "They think it's all over; well it isn't yet because the condom's so thick I can't feel anything!"

Thus far nobody from the EU has chosen to return Laughsend's calls regarding whether or not this story is true.

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Comments

#1 @ 3 years ago
by Helen_Cardenas - Ghost

I am offended that people want to read nonsense like this.

3 comments, registered 3 years ago
#2 @ 3 years ago
by Finch Faucet1965 - Ghost

Helen_Cardenas wrote

I am offended that people want to read nonsense like this.

This is not just butt, it's offensive butt. Why does this not seem to bother anyone else?

8 comments, registered 3 years ago
#3 @ 3 years ago
by Silk Beggar - Ghost

Finch Faucet1965 wrote

Helen_Cardenas wrote

I am offended that people want to read nonsense like this.

This is not just butt, it's offensive butt. Why does this not seem to bother anyone else?

How strange.

4 comments, registered 5 years ago
#4 @ 3 years ago
by RMacdonald1986 - Ghost

Helen_Cardenas wrote

I am offended that people want to read nonsense like this.

sometimes i write things on the internet.

:)

10 comments, registered 4 years ago
#5 @ 3 years ago
by Rain_Eland - Ghost

RMacdonald1986 wrote

Helen_Cardenas wrote

I am offended that people want to read nonsense like this.

sometimes i write things on the internet.

:)

Are you frikkin' kidding me? Come on, this is garbage. Do not fall for it; stop feeding the troll. Steal your idas much?

2 comments, registered 4 years ago

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