Gay robots launched in London, UK, Apple store

Some will tell you that the original gay robots can be found in George Lucas' Star Wars, the epic documentary spanning the forty seven years of celebrity cat-fighting in early Hollywood. But today one London Apple store upped-the-ante by gambling on Chip - the latest gay robot to land in our homes and dens. Pearce Chapel, a man who describes himself as a toblerone with attitude, works for the Cupertino giant's Oxford Street London store:

"I came into work this morning all prepared to be huuuugely irritated by the riff-raff who come in here asking for rose-gold Apple 4s, only for me to have to tell them 'Sigh! You can only get those sorts of colours on a later model'. Anyway, I realised we had a delivery in the back, which is where I like all my deliveries, if you get my meaning, and by which I mean anally, and blow me - please darling - if there aren't half a dozen prototypes of an Apple branded vacuum cleaner called Chip."

Apple Inc. shares have plummeted after the news of the apparently homosexual, some have claimed 'flaming', robots have hit the shelves. Rumours about the potential introduction of the home cleaning device last circulated a number of years ago, and most in the business assumed that the idea had died along with Steve Jobs. (Harsh, Kendo! Ed.) However, it appears that they have been beavering away instead at providing a very interesting USP for the equipment:

"Chip is bloody wonderful," claimed Chapel. "He can suck right into the corners, and if you let him, he'll gobble up all your bits and pieces that you might leave lying around. I've never felt so satisfied, I can tell you that."

The actual detail of what makes the robot actually gay are so far rather mysterious, but Chapel himself is certainly convinced.