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Ed Sheeran Not Only Accused of Stealing Songs, but Also of Putting the Jury to Sleep

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New York Cityâ€"In the latest twist in the ongoing copyright infringement trial, Ed Sheeran took the witness stand in front of a packed courtroom, strumming his trademark guitar and singing a few bars of his hit song "Thinking Out Loud". While Sheeran's music has been accused of sounding suspiciously similar to Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" and TLC's "No Scrubs", his performance today was more akin to a lullaby than a hit single.

The jury, consisting of twelve people who were presumably more excited to be summoned for jury duty than they were to listen to Ed Sheeran, struggled to stay awake as the ginger crooner took the stand. Have you ever tried to nap while someone was playing guitar in a courtroom? It's like a mellow, sleepy version of waterboarding.

One juror, who wished to remain anonymous, had this to say: "I don't know how they expect us to stay awake during this trial. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Ed Sheeran, but hearing him play the same three chords over and over again is making me drowsy. I'm starting to think he's doing it on purpose."

Despite the snooze factor of Sheeran's testimony, courtroom sketch artists were kept busy creating caricatures of the singer, complete with his signature red hair and "quirky" tattoos. One particularly unflattering sketch depicted Sheeran with a guitar for a head, while another portrayed him as a sleepy teddy bear.

Sheeran, for his part, took the accusations of plagiarism in stride, telling reporters outside the courthouse, "I'm not worried about the outcome of this trial. I'm just excited to be here, playing my guitar and sharing my music with the world. And if I just happen to lull the jury into a peaceful slumber, well, that's just a bonus."

The trial is set to continue tomorrow, with more expert testimony on the similarities between Sheeran's music and those of other artists. Stay tuned for more exciting updates, including artist renditions of Sheeran as a fruit smoothie or perhaps a beanbag chair.

In the end, it doesn't matter whether Sheeran is found guilty or not; what matters most is that somewhere out there, a group of twelve reluctant jurors were given the gift of a good nap. As the old saying goes, "If you can't steal musical ideas, you might as well steal some Z's."

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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