US News Entertainment

How to be a good Hollywood Celebrity

story image about career and good Hollywood Celebrity
Report story

Recently Faux Your Entertainment Magazine gave some tips to men pursuing an acting career on how to be a good Hollywood Celebrity. This is what they said:

(1). Be a failure at marriage and get married and divorced five times before you reach the age of 40. If your last marriage lasted more than one year, consider it a minor achievement.

(2). Have a sex video leaked on the internet and pretend that you didn't know how it got there. Secretly hope that somehow the video will enhance your career and make you more famous (or notorious) as the case may be.

(3). Get arrested numerous times for DUI violations and have your ugly mug-shot posted all over the tabloids and on the internet.

(4). Buy all sorts of cars and homes that you don't really need just to show the public that you have money.

(5). Complain about the paparazzi continually harassing you everywhere you go in public even though you really do want your picture taken.

(6). Wait many years before coming out and admitting that you have a drug addiction problem; then call a press conference and with all the journalists around, admit your faults and break down in tears for your fans to have sympathy on you and say that celebrities are people too.

(7). Fork out hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of dollars on plastic surgery to look "better" and "younger" if you feel that you are getting too old and ugly. Even if you end up looking worse than you did before the surgery, still believe the lie that the plastic surgeon tells you because it is a well-known fact that he has your best interest at heart.

(8). Cheat on your wife with a blonde, buxom stripper or a porn-star and, after denying the affair at first, eventually admit to your infidelity and beg her to forgive you because you only made one mistake. (See number (1) and number (2) ).

(9). If she doesn't forgive you and slaps you with divorce papers and you end up the loser in the long run because she eventually gets everything that you own including your dog and you end up with nothing, thus making you a pauper and ending your career, attempt suicide but make sure it is unsuccessful.

(10). Pray that VH1 contacts you to do a reality show.

(11). If they do, take up the offer because you know that deep down you can somehow resurrect your career despite your numerous short-comings.





The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

Headlines like this

thumbnail for item Change will do you no good

Sheryl Crow to admit a change won't necessarily "do you good"

US News Entertainment 0

Popular late 90s pop star Sheryl Crow has today admitted that change never actually did her any good, in direct contradiction to the song she released in 1996. The ageing pop star...

read more
10 years ago
thumbnail for item Giraffe gossip

Celebrity gossip to die out in 2016

US News Entertainment 0

Data analysts have calculated that all celebrity gossip will die out by the summer of the year 2016. In what has been variously described as "a saviour for humanity" and "utter...

read more
10 years ago

Comments

#1 @ 8 years ago
by fooddrawer62 - Ghost

I want this pinted on a hat.

3 comments, registered 8 years ago
#2 @ 8 years ago
by Fred Kidd-Dunlap999 - Ghost

fooddrawer62 wrote

I want this pinted on a hat.

I do not really understand... and yet I do understand. I have a feeling I am not the true audience for this.

7 comments, registered 9 years ago
#3 @ 8 years ago
by hal-landry - Ghost

fooddrawer62 wrote

I want this pinted on a hat.

This is the quite enchantingest idiocy ive ever witnessed. :)

4 comments, registered 9 years ago

To add a comment you must first sign up and login.


Aries horoscope

Damage caused by rage might cost you around 250 this weekend. Avoid posh bars. If you can fit in this week, you'll......

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

thumbnail for Celine Dion news story Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy thumbnail for Bush news story George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction
Funny RSS feed