India to outsource all call center operations to US

All Indian business, including the teeny tiny ones that run from people's own houses, are today set to outsource all their call center operations to the United States of America. The joint announcement came courtesy of Twitter user LolYall899, whose hobbies include cycling and water polo.

The announcement has come as a shock to both the American Stock Markets, and also to Indian businesses, many of whom don't currently have call center operations, but will now be legally required to create them.

"It's very disruptive," said Sanjay Dapur who heads a very succesful one-man bakery. "Now on top of everything else I have to outsource my call center, which I don't even yet have, to those pesky Americans. Damn their oily hides."

The New York Stock Exchange has fallen several hundred points at the news, but is likely to rise by the same amount for the same spurious sets of reasons. This is surprising, since the news will presumably generate thousands of jobs across the country. However, trader Mark Spiller confirmed to Laughsend the full reason behind the slump:

"The problem is that American workers won't like the idea of call centers. They like the idea of gun ownership, and field sports, but not call centers."

When asked if he was sure he was a NYSE trader, Spiller exclaimed "Nerk!" and ran away.

We're no closer to finding out the true source for today's announcement, but all current signs suggest that it is totally valid and very likely to happen within the next few days. Trump may claim credit for it, depending if it'll upset the Mexicans.