In a groundbreaking discovery, a recent study has found that the key to eternal happiness lies in one simple food: pizza. After months of observation and analysis, scientists have declared that consuming at least one full pizza every day has been proven to make individuals significantly happier than those who do not indulge.
When asked for comment, renowned scientist Dr. Pepperoni stated, "We were stunned by the results. It turns out that the combination of gooey cheese, crispy crust, and tasty toppings is the perfect recipe for happiness."
The news has caused uproar among the public, with many individuals flocking to their nearest pizzeria in hopes of achieving complete joy. However, not everyone is convinced.
"It's ridiculous," griped local citizen Karen Anchovy. "How can eating junk food every day make you happy? It's just an excuse for people to indulge in their unhealthy habits."
Nonetheless, one woman has reportedly found success in the study's findings. Madison Margherita, a 27-year-old resident of New York City, claims to have finally achieved happiness through daily pizza consumption.
"I used to always feel so down, but now that I have pizza every day, I'm just thrilled," Margherita exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. "I don't know how I ever lived without it!"
As for the catchphrases, Dr. Pepperoni has been dubbed "The Pizza Prophet," while Karen Anchovy's criticism of the study led to her being labeled as "The Pizza Party Pooper." And of course, Madison Margherita's newfound love for pizza has earned her the nickname "The Queen of Slices."
When approached for commentary, Margherita simply stated, "Pizza is life."