Muhammad Ali wins battle of wits with God

Boxer, wordsmith, and all-round excellent human being Muhammad Ali has today reportedly been in a showdown with his maker, God. The battle of wits came as he was first denied entry into heaven by Saint Peter, allegedly on the technicality that he is not Christian, and that the pearly gates should therefore not apply. Ali, however, took umbrage to the denial of entry, and began denouncing the system as "bent" and "broken". On hearing the calamity, God him/her/itself appeared, and Ali began what observers have described as a "smackdown".

"He got off to a shaky start," claimed Jesus. "Dad had him on the ropes with a quick one-two that said he could obviously come in, and that there was some clerical error that they'd sort out in good time. He could come in, put his feet up, and enjoy the complimentary champagne. Muhammad - great name by the way - had other ideas. He wanted to know, for instance, why Jews and Christians and Muslims can't get along peacefully."

The big man apparently answered Mr Ali by suggesting that humans were capable of doing whatever they liked, and stepping in would remove free will.

"Free will is what people who have rights have; free will is what people with money have in a society that worships the almighty dollar rather than the almighty; free will is eight-ninths of the title of a movie starring a whale. Free will does not exist in the real world, and if you can't see that, perhaps it's time you went back down there and opened up some whup-ass cans."

Applause from some by-standers allegedly caused God to mope off into the corner, while Ali threw some fast rabbit punches at an invisible foe.