Pop star Katy Perry loses battle for trademark with small-time real estate agent

LOS ANGELES - Pop star Katy Perry has lost her battle for trademark over her name after a small-time real estate agent from Indiana, Katie Perry, successfully sued the singer for using a name similar to hers.

The verdict came as no surprise to most Americans, who were ecstatic to hear that someone had finally taken down the overbearing, egotistical celebrity. "I mean, I think Katy Perry's kind of lost it," said lifelong Katy Perry fan, Emily Smith. "I don't even know what her music sounds like anymore, it's all just extravagant costumes and terrible American Idol judging."

It seems the people of America are ready for a change from "Firework" and "Roar" to "Sold in a Day" and "Hassle-free Home Buying."

Real estate agent Katie Perry, who has been in the business for nearly a decade, was overjoyed at the ruling. "I'm just glad I can finally go to bed at night without worrying about some weirdo superstar stealing my name," she commented.

The trial was reportedly quite tense, with Katy Perry's lawyers pulling out all the stops to defend their beloved client's brand. However, it was all for naughtâ€"the court found in favor of Katie Perry, stating that the two names were too similar and that allowing the trademark would cause confusion for consumers.

Upon hearing the decision, Katy Perry reportedly stormed out of the courtroom, shouting to reporters, "I'm a global superstar! How could they do this to me?"

To which an anonymous bystander replied, "I'm sorry, who are you again?"

The verdict has sparked discussions about the importance of trademarking and the legal battles that often arise. However, most Americans seem to agree that the real winner in this situation is Katie Perry.

"She deserves all the recognition in the world," said Indiana local, Mike Brown. "At least she's not trying to sell us overpriced perfumes and tacky merchandise."

As for what's next for the real estate agent, Katie Perry says she's simply excited to focus on her work and not have to worry about any more legal battles with the pop star.

"I'm just a simple girl trying to make a living," she said. "But who knows? Maybe this publicity will help me sell some more houses."

When reached for further comment, Katy Perry's team declined to make a statement, but anonymous insiders say the singer is planning to legally change her name to "Katie Perry" to avoid any further confusion.

"Katy Perry just wants to win everything, even if it means losing herself in the process," said source close to the singer. "I mean, have you seen her wardrobe lately?"