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Shocking UK X-Factor News

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Popular singing contest The X-Factor returns to TV screens this weekend, and along with it the usual pot-of-tricks that has made Simon Cowell the guru of modern-day reality viewing. Along with the now-common sights of incredibly ugly, potentally very hairy, and astoundingly low-brow cast of judges, the show is likely to also contain some horrific singers. However, the real shock of the show is going to be revealed this weekend.

"It's a real humdinger of an X-Factor 2014 shock this time round," said production designer Flo Roberts. "We've taken into account some of the criticism from previous series: so this time there are going to be way more wild animals on set, and the gob-smacking lack of adverts every 90 seconds or so has been rectified so they're more regular. To be fair - there's also hardly any visiblity of the fire-drills we all train for 18 hours a day, so we've done something to rectify that situation, too. But there's more to come..."

Twitter and Facebook are agog with rumours that half of the contestant stock is either on day-release, or are singers from failed 80s pop and rock bands. One rumour that seems strongest has apparently come from one of the new series' contestants, a Sylvia Springer, whose profile suggests that she is related to Dermot O'Really.

"Dermot is a close and personal friend of mine. So close and personal in fact, that a bit of his DNA is currently in my stomach."

X-Factor 2014 is coming your way this Saturday with a 4 hour special, with judges Simon Cowell, Mel B Spice, Cheryl Cole and Louis Ferrigno. Watch out for the shocks!

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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#1 @ 10 years ago
by front string - Quiet veteran

Sure, why not.

36 comments, registered 10 years ago
#2 @ 10 years ago
by regret_beds - One-off wonder

That's what she said. Ooops, wrong post! :)

1 comment, registered 10 years ago

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